Back To the Real World

Morning! 


Well it's back to the real world tomorrow as I'm back off to Uni for the start of a new semester, which to be honest I am absolutely petrified about due to the fact I am supposed to have written over 10,000 words during the break. How many words have I actually written you may ask, well, that would be 0! I seriously need to sort my life out


I have been too busy drinking copious amounts of wine, dancing like my life depended on it, enjoying a few unexpected sexual escapades with the standard of 'hot man' it is only possible to find in the bigger cosmopolitan cities (a real novelty for me whenever I return from uni) and generally enjoying doing nothing of substance. It's been so much fun, but it is now time for a heartfelt wave to the city/holidays and a serious attempt at welcoming 'academic Elle' back into my life without too much resistance! 


One thing I am going to SERIOUSLY miss is sitting up watching 'Criminal Minds' on Living TV. I had never seen it before coming home for the holidays and seriously doubt I am watching the episodes in any sort of order but in all honesty I do not care in the slightest because *drum roll please* ....


LOOK!!!




YES!


Shemar Moore, one of the stars of the show! What an absolutely beautiful specimen of a man! 
I wish it was possible to find a man who looks like him but also has his sophistication- unfortunately, I can say from experience that if there do happen to be any young men in the real world with that sort of combination around, they have done a damned good job of hiding so far. Here's to hoping, because a face like that is way sweeter than any sugar ever could be! 


I've just googled him though and it came to my attention that there were some rumours he might be gay which is quite saddening. I knew of him for a long while before stumbling across the programme but I hadn't realised how perfect he is. 


Well, anyway he has inspired me to start what I will name the 'Hot Man File' on my blog; whenever I stumble across someone on TV or in the media that makes my jaw drop (and this doesn't happen too often), I shall post a pic when I next blog and add the tag 'Hot Man File' to the post. Maybe if and when I have a few more followers (fingers crossed and a big grin and wave to Eden and AsianBarbie who are my first two!) you can comment on my hotties and let me know whether they get a thumbs up or down from yourself.

Right, well it's 3am so bedtime if I actually want to make it back to uni later!


Elle xXx

Mr P, Sugar Granules and Moaning...

Happy New Year to everyone- I know it comes late but hope you had an amazing holiday season and haven't struggled too much getting back into the daily grind! 



First of all let me say I am absolutely shattered so this post probably won't read very well at all! 


So my last post saw the introduction of Mr P and the beginning of talks about our subsequent arrangement, so I will start at the very beginning:


After our first lunch date Mr P had been extremely enthusiastic about 'taking things forward' with me and so after an evening spent making my blog and looking at as many others as I could find I decided to broach the subject of an arrangement which I did very gently in an email. A couple of emails later we had come to the agreement that he would start by supporting me with £600 per month (which covers the rent and bills on my student hovel) plus other little bits and bobs and we would meet about twice per month. The financial support he said, would increase with time . Now in the sugar world, this is extremely low and I am completely aware of this, but felt at the time that it was a good start considering he had said the idea of an allowance wasn't something he was at all comfortable with and that he would prefer supporting me in a more practical sense- though it is essentially the same thing as the money specifically covers these things.  


We had our second date over Christmas and new years, when I came to London and saw a show with him. We had seperate hotel rooms which were next door to eachother and the following day we went to have a look around the sales. We went around high street and low end designer shops as well as Selfridges but it quickly became apparent that he hadn't been joking when he had mentioned not being a millionaire because he looked at the price tags on everything I liked (albeit sneakily). On our return to the hotel on our first evening, we kissed and it also became apparent his kissing hadn't improved with age and I felt as though I was being attacked by an over-enthusiastic lizard. It was horrific. On telling him I was retiring to my room to sleep he begged me to come and knock on his door for a 'lie in' in the morning, assuring me it was not about sex but he would just love lying together and 'snuggling up' with me. I wasn't keen at all and told him I'd see how I felt in the morning but would probably just want to sleep, so sure enough when the morning came and he text me to say he was up and invite me through I ignored it and told him I'd been sleeping and until we had gotten to know eachother better I was happy with my own space. 


For our third date this weekend, he came back up to my hometown and we shared a hotel room, though I made him book one with seperate beds. I checked in before him as he had commitments in the day and I wanted a head start getting ready for our meal and got to the room to find two beds pushed together, with no way of separating them due to the bedside cabinets on either side. WTF. The plan was that as we were both tired we would have a nice meal and then a bottle of wine and a DVD in our hotel room. Yes, to most men this means sex, but I made sure he knew the most he was getting was a cuddle. The meal was nice and we had a great chat and a giggle and in all the merriement I forgot myself and ended up drinking my weight in wine...flash forward to back in the room and another bottle later and there I am straddling him in my cute silk nightdress, kissing him wildly and inviting his hands to wander where they please, which as it happens started with my latino behind, which I can tell he has been obsessed with since he saw me walk away from the table on our first lunch date. We didn't have sex as he couldn't perform after all the wine (thank god- I def need more time to decide whether I want to carry on with him and he's not getting the goodies yet) but he pulled my nightdress up, sucked on my nipples and played with me a bit before telling me how much he loves giving oral. With his lizard-esque tonguing during kissing I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't too bad but I didn't let him of course- I'm sure I love receiving way more than he ever could giving, but because it's what he want's I'm holding off until things become more clear and I decide where I actually want to go with this. We connect as friends and as I'll go on to explain I do not fancy him but it seemed like fun at the time and a bit of an adventure and it was- to be honest with the lights out when he was just a man and not 'Mr P' I was actually surprisingly turned on. He took me shopping the next day and got me some bits from topshop- not exactly Harvey Nics but I do have some nice stuff to take back for the new term at uni.


Changing the tone slightly, I am incredibly confused about him. He keeps reminding me that he has never done this before and hasn't dated in a long while but every time I leave and arrive home and get back into my 'bubble' I feel as though I am lowering myself because I am not at all physically attracted to him! What is worse is that he seems completely oblivious at the subtle yet questioning looks I am receiving from gorgeous young men we stumble across while together (a perfect example being the beautiful, beautiful man who served our drinks at the hotel bar before we took a taxi to dinner and didn't take his eyes off me for a second) and although he is constantly telling me how gorgeous I am, I think what he needs to accept in addition is that I am completely out of his league. 


Mr P is most certainly looking for the 'girlfriend experience', and has made it crystal clear that if I want him to be a bigger part of my life he would love to be. He keeps on saying he 'understands my need to be discrete' yet keeps suggesting I give him a tour of my university, before repeating himself as if to remind himself and saying it's okay and that he's 'totally comfortable with it'.
 He also seems to have formed a little obsession over whether I am going to tell other people in my life about him, he's asked this every time we've met especially interested in whether I'll be telling my sister whom I'm really close with.  On our second date I made it totally clear that I wished to keep my life strictly 'compartmentalised' and that anything I had with him was not going to seep over into my every day life and again, he said he was fine with this.





You see Mr P hasn't dated in a long while, and my guess is that even in his prime he wasn't dating girls who looked like I do. The funniest thing about that comment is that I do not consider myself to be the cream of the crop at all. I am beautiful, but by no means am I exquisite like so many girls I see out and about and I am most certainly more of the 'girl next door' than a playboy bunny. Mr P may be as sweet as a little marshmallow but one thing he is not is an attractive man. I feel terrible saying it but as I said in my very first post, this blog is my outlet and I have to be honest. I've told him that if he wants to come up to university and visit the presumption made will be that he is my dad- he got very upset by this and I was secretly very amused by his distress, simply because it was completely genuine.


The reason I agreed to meet Mr P again is that I simply don't have the time to keep messaging and dating- not to mention being too far from London (as well as anywhere else of particular relevance) during the semester to keep zipping up and down for dates. Because of where I am studying, it is impossible to work during the semester and so I fund my lifestyle by working my socks off during holidays- the catch being that this holiday I was unable to go back to my old job or find anywhere that would take me on temporarily, thus being extremely broke at the moment (not to mention past debts creeping up to give me a slap and remind me I'm not in a position to just breeze through as I have been doing) . Mr P has come along and made it easier for me- though he will never know this! I might not have the amazing lifestyle all we sugars aspire to find but I might actually get out of debt in the next year.  I have hardly begun my search and already I feel as though I am in a position where I am settling for someone... because that's exactly what Mr P is, easy! I don't have to try at all with anything because he seems to think he has hit the jackpot without me lifting a finger or making any more effort than I usually would as he is not glamorous in the slightest- and I suppose that is his appeal because I had expected to be making a lot more effort on every level with someone I met in 'sugar world'. 


Mr P is a lovely man with a good heart, but as cruel as it sounds feel he is disillusioned on many levels and in addition feel he contradicts himself. He loves the fact I am so 'well to do' as he says and yet tried to give me a full on lizard-kiss in the middle of a train station as I was leaving - I was absolutely mortified! I had to tell him off for via email later on (leading to a desperate apology from him begging me to let him show me how well behaved he could be by taking me out again and behaving himself in the hotel room on our third date). 
He also mentioned to me that he has spent a lot of money on me on our last two shopping trips (about £900) when we were talking about money this evening on the phone and I didn't think it very proper that he made that my concern and felt it went against sugar dating etiquette -but who am I to know, I am a newbie. He did put his card details in my online account to buy all my groceries from now on which as a student is always going to be a help, but I am well aware should I have the time and effort to put in to finding someone else this could be the least of their generosity. I am at the lowest end of the sugar scale and am getting granules as opposed to spoonfuls, so yes, it is safe to say my tea isn't nearly as sweet as I might have hoped coming in to this, but at the end of the day I must keep reminding myself maybe that in the sugar world it is the price I may be paying in order to keep my independence and not slip in to becoming a 'kept woman'- which to be honest I would be shite at!


I've been through quite a few emotions since meeting and 'taking things forward' with Mr P; feeling a bit cheap, to feeling like I could just take my conscience out of the equation and train Mr P not to be so... different? the list goes on... I ended up at the conclusion that as soon as I start to think it through primarily I'm simply quite scared that I am lowering myself as a human being and generally not being a very nice person. I don't respect Mr P as a man very much and I have always avoided individuals interested in me whom I felt like that about with a barge pole in the past. A little deep, but there it is.


On a more random note,  It's quite strange being perceived as so 'posh' without the money to back up your accent and education, especially in the limbo that is studying at a university where everyone but you has a bottomless money pot in the form of their parents. My parents cut me off financially on my 18th birthday and haven't given me a penny since- in times like this do wish they would help out, even if just a loan because until I graduate and either start working or move back to a big city permanently to carry on studying I am more broke and needy than I ever have been and it is not fun!   


So as you can see this is a very confusing, jumbled, badly written and perhaps depressing post to read so apologies once again! If anyone has any advice at all I'd find it really helpful, especially in getting an idea of whether it is Mr P or infact I, who is acting like a disillusioned fool... a bit of moral support whatever your opinion would be nice too :)


Elle xXx

A First Date and First Offer...

So this afternoon saw my first date with Mr P.

We had been talking on the site since my very first day on the site, when he messaged me with the tagline "would you consider me". I didn't fancy him in his photo's, but his email was short, sweet and very genuine sounding and I was curious to know what sort of people to expect so I messaged back. Soon enough, we were messaging almost every other day and not a couple of lines, but long friendly and good humoured messages. He had made it clear from message number 1 that I was the sort of girl he wanted to meet and that he had really liked what I said about myself in my profile. Time passed, and we were both very busy not to mention hundreds of miles apart due to him being in London and myself locked away at uni- so meeting wasn't really an option and we both decided we would wait until I returned to my Hometown for the holidays. 

An 'arrangement' was only discussed after two weeks of messaging- P has never done anything like this before and that is something that even as a naive newbie I am sure of. The one thing he did tell me is that the word 'allowance' scares the hell out of him, and for me, for my first time and first guy, this is something I felt was ok- whether I am wrong about this, I am sure I shall find out in the not-too-distant future...

Just to fill you in- P is a city banker, single and lives alone. He seems to have a good network of old friends but is definitely 'new money' as they say.

Anyway, so we were supposed to meet last night (Saturday), but the snow brought the whole country to a stand still and though he had made reservations at a hotel for himself and also at the restaurant, he was snowed in and the trains stopped running- but he was keen and instead caught a train to my hometown this morning and took me for lunch at the restaurant we had planned on visiting last night.

Conversation flowed freely and the food was amazing, but throughout I was very aware of our age difference and the eyes on us! One thing that did strike me is the fact that I could really see him falling for me. He is by no means stupid, but the way he spoke about himself was slightly self deprecating and I felt he was a little in awe of me. He also told me I was a million times better in the flesh than my photos and I was so flattered and secretly very satisfied- I put up what I thought were my best photos!

Well in to the dinner as we sipped on a lovely bottle of red I had chosen for us, P told me that he was very comfortable, but was not a millionaire, then as he had in his messages, that he was very uncomfortable with the idea of an 'allowance', and I repeated to him what I had said in my messages also. 'As long as there is an agreement which means we are both happy (and it stays as tasteful as possible), an allowance is not something I feel is important to me right now'. He said that as neither of us have done this before we can figure it out together if we wanted to take things forward, but to know that he loves to spoil, loves to shop and feels rather than an allowance would like to give me more practical help- such as helping with my tuition fee's/rent etc.

P told me that he feels inadequate next to me as I dress and speak so well, and when I told him I was a personal shopper in my college years, said he loves the idea of me helping him pick out some clothes for him and smartening him up so he looks as good as myself and doesn't embarrass me which I thought was sweet, he doesn't dress badly he just doesn't dress up.

After our meal we took a taxi to the station where I dropped him off and then I continued in the taxi home. He took care of the fare when we got in and didn't say a word to me about it. I got home feeling good about our meeting, and a text from him telling me it had been 'the best afternoon in ages' made me smile. He told me at the end of the meal I was lovely and that he definitely wanted to see me again if I'd let him.

I'm unsure of where it is going, how to organise myself or how to talk the nitty gritty and really make sure the finance aspect is clear. We discussed my need for discretion in my home/university town at the meal and he said he respects this which I am pleased is out in the open because it is clear to me he does want a 'girlfriend experience'. He says he will email me over the next couple of days and talk about how we could make it work.

Hopefully my instinct about him is right because I understand that I have broken some general 'sugar' rules in his case. I guess time will tell...

Elle xXx

Post Numero Uno

Hi there, welcome and thank you so much for reading my shiny new blog. 


I decided to start writing after seeing a few very inspirational blogs about the 'sugar' world (namely Jess Bunny's- fantastic, informative and well written- thanks Jess!) and realising that as someone who is in the very beginnings of perhaps becoming a part of it, what better way could there be to let off some steam and share my experiences than to blog about it!


I am still at the very beginnings of my sugar journey and have told nobody about what I am doing  (thus far I have joined a site and I had my second 'date' this afternoon- which I'll tell you all about later!), as I really do not feel the people in my life would understand, so I hope by writing this blog I will be able to share my journey with individuals that do understand, don't judge and perhaps are living relatively similar lifestyles, at least where sugar or our desire for it is concerned!


I really hope you'll join me and would absolutely love any comments or feedback from you.


Elle xXx