Mr P, Sugar Granules and Moaning...

Happy New Year to everyone- I know it comes late but hope you had an amazing holiday season and haven't struggled too much getting back into the daily grind! 



First of all let me say I am absolutely shattered so this post probably won't read very well at all! 


So my last post saw the introduction of Mr P and the beginning of talks about our subsequent arrangement, so I will start at the very beginning:


After our first lunch date Mr P had been extremely enthusiastic about 'taking things forward' with me and so after an evening spent making my blog and looking at as many others as I could find I decided to broach the subject of an arrangement which I did very gently in an email. A couple of emails later we had come to the agreement that he would start by supporting me with £600 per month (which covers the rent and bills on my student hovel) plus other little bits and bobs and we would meet about twice per month. The financial support he said, would increase with time . Now in the sugar world, this is extremely low and I am completely aware of this, but felt at the time that it was a good start considering he had said the idea of an allowance wasn't something he was at all comfortable with and that he would prefer supporting me in a more practical sense- though it is essentially the same thing as the money specifically covers these things.  


We had our second date over Christmas and new years, when I came to London and saw a show with him. We had seperate hotel rooms which were next door to eachother and the following day we went to have a look around the sales. We went around high street and low end designer shops as well as Selfridges but it quickly became apparent that he hadn't been joking when he had mentioned not being a millionaire because he looked at the price tags on everything I liked (albeit sneakily). On our return to the hotel on our first evening, we kissed and it also became apparent his kissing hadn't improved with age and I felt as though I was being attacked by an over-enthusiastic lizard. It was horrific. On telling him I was retiring to my room to sleep he begged me to come and knock on his door for a 'lie in' in the morning, assuring me it was not about sex but he would just love lying together and 'snuggling up' with me. I wasn't keen at all and told him I'd see how I felt in the morning but would probably just want to sleep, so sure enough when the morning came and he text me to say he was up and invite me through I ignored it and told him I'd been sleeping and until we had gotten to know eachother better I was happy with my own space. 


For our third date this weekend, he came back up to my hometown and we shared a hotel room, though I made him book one with seperate beds. I checked in before him as he had commitments in the day and I wanted a head start getting ready for our meal and got to the room to find two beds pushed together, with no way of separating them due to the bedside cabinets on either side. WTF. The plan was that as we were both tired we would have a nice meal and then a bottle of wine and a DVD in our hotel room. Yes, to most men this means sex, but I made sure he knew the most he was getting was a cuddle. The meal was nice and we had a great chat and a giggle and in all the merriement I forgot myself and ended up drinking my weight in wine...flash forward to back in the room and another bottle later and there I am straddling him in my cute silk nightdress, kissing him wildly and inviting his hands to wander where they please, which as it happens started with my latino behind, which I can tell he has been obsessed with since he saw me walk away from the table on our first lunch date. We didn't have sex as he couldn't perform after all the wine (thank god- I def need more time to decide whether I want to carry on with him and he's not getting the goodies yet) but he pulled my nightdress up, sucked on my nipples and played with me a bit before telling me how much he loves giving oral. With his lizard-esque tonguing during kissing I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't too bad but I didn't let him of course- I'm sure I love receiving way more than he ever could giving, but because it's what he want's I'm holding off until things become more clear and I decide where I actually want to go with this. We connect as friends and as I'll go on to explain I do not fancy him but it seemed like fun at the time and a bit of an adventure and it was- to be honest with the lights out when he was just a man and not 'Mr P' I was actually surprisingly turned on. He took me shopping the next day and got me some bits from topshop- not exactly Harvey Nics but I do have some nice stuff to take back for the new term at uni.


Changing the tone slightly, I am incredibly confused about him. He keeps reminding me that he has never done this before and hasn't dated in a long while but every time I leave and arrive home and get back into my 'bubble' I feel as though I am lowering myself because I am not at all physically attracted to him! What is worse is that he seems completely oblivious at the subtle yet questioning looks I am receiving from gorgeous young men we stumble across while together (a perfect example being the beautiful, beautiful man who served our drinks at the hotel bar before we took a taxi to dinner and didn't take his eyes off me for a second) and although he is constantly telling me how gorgeous I am, I think what he needs to accept in addition is that I am completely out of his league. 


Mr P is most certainly looking for the 'girlfriend experience', and has made it crystal clear that if I want him to be a bigger part of my life he would love to be. He keeps on saying he 'understands my need to be discrete' yet keeps suggesting I give him a tour of my university, before repeating himself as if to remind himself and saying it's okay and that he's 'totally comfortable with it'.
 He also seems to have formed a little obsession over whether I am going to tell other people in my life about him, he's asked this every time we've met especially interested in whether I'll be telling my sister whom I'm really close with.  On our second date I made it totally clear that I wished to keep my life strictly 'compartmentalised' and that anything I had with him was not going to seep over into my every day life and again, he said he was fine with this.





You see Mr P hasn't dated in a long while, and my guess is that even in his prime he wasn't dating girls who looked like I do. The funniest thing about that comment is that I do not consider myself to be the cream of the crop at all. I am beautiful, but by no means am I exquisite like so many girls I see out and about and I am most certainly more of the 'girl next door' than a playboy bunny. Mr P may be as sweet as a little marshmallow but one thing he is not is an attractive man. I feel terrible saying it but as I said in my very first post, this blog is my outlet and I have to be honest. I've told him that if he wants to come up to university and visit the presumption made will be that he is my dad- he got very upset by this and I was secretly very amused by his distress, simply because it was completely genuine.


The reason I agreed to meet Mr P again is that I simply don't have the time to keep messaging and dating- not to mention being too far from London (as well as anywhere else of particular relevance) during the semester to keep zipping up and down for dates. Because of where I am studying, it is impossible to work during the semester and so I fund my lifestyle by working my socks off during holidays- the catch being that this holiday I was unable to go back to my old job or find anywhere that would take me on temporarily, thus being extremely broke at the moment (not to mention past debts creeping up to give me a slap and remind me I'm not in a position to just breeze through as I have been doing) . Mr P has come along and made it easier for me- though he will never know this! I might not have the amazing lifestyle all we sugars aspire to find but I might actually get out of debt in the next year.  I have hardly begun my search and already I feel as though I am in a position where I am settling for someone... because that's exactly what Mr P is, easy! I don't have to try at all with anything because he seems to think he has hit the jackpot without me lifting a finger or making any more effort than I usually would as he is not glamorous in the slightest- and I suppose that is his appeal because I had expected to be making a lot more effort on every level with someone I met in 'sugar world'. 


Mr P is a lovely man with a good heart, but as cruel as it sounds feel he is disillusioned on many levels and in addition feel he contradicts himself. He loves the fact I am so 'well to do' as he says and yet tried to give me a full on lizard-kiss in the middle of a train station as I was leaving - I was absolutely mortified! I had to tell him off for via email later on (leading to a desperate apology from him begging me to let him show me how well behaved he could be by taking me out again and behaving himself in the hotel room on our third date). 
He also mentioned to me that he has spent a lot of money on me on our last two shopping trips (about £900) when we were talking about money this evening on the phone and I didn't think it very proper that he made that my concern and felt it went against sugar dating etiquette -but who am I to know, I am a newbie. He did put his card details in my online account to buy all my groceries from now on which as a student is always going to be a help, but I am well aware should I have the time and effort to put in to finding someone else this could be the least of their generosity. I am at the lowest end of the sugar scale and am getting granules as opposed to spoonfuls, so yes, it is safe to say my tea isn't nearly as sweet as I might have hoped coming in to this, but at the end of the day I must keep reminding myself maybe that in the sugar world it is the price I may be paying in order to keep my independence and not slip in to becoming a 'kept woman'- which to be honest I would be shite at!


I've been through quite a few emotions since meeting and 'taking things forward' with Mr P; feeling a bit cheap, to feeling like I could just take my conscience out of the equation and train Mr P not to be so... different? the list goes on... I ended up at the conclusion that as soon as I start to think it through primarily I'm simply quite scared that I am lowering myself as a human being and generally not being a very nice person. I don't respect Mr P as a man very much and I have always avoided individuals interested in me whom I felt like that about with a barge pole in the past. A little deep, but there it is.


On a more random note,  It's quite strange being perceived as so 'posh' without the money to back up your accent and education, especially in the limbo that is studying at a university where everyone but you has a bottomless money pot in the form of their parents. My parents cut me off financially on my 18th birthday and haven't given me a penny since- in times like this do wish they would help out, even if just a loan because until I graduate and either start working or move back to a big city permanently to carry on studying I am more broke and needy than I ever have been and it is not fun!   


So as you can see this is a very confusing, jumbled, badly written and perhaps depressing post to read so apologies once again! If anyone has any advice at all I'd find it really helpful, especially in getting an idea of whether it is Mr P or infact I, who is acting like a disillusioned fool... a bit of moral support whatever your opinion would be nice too :)


Elle xXx